May 1
CSI: Chicago
This photograph by Jason Reed of Reuters appeared in Saturday’s National Post, and it made me laugh out loud. (Unfortunately this picture is of somewhat lower-resolution, and I was unable to find a better version.) It shows US Federal Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald (centre) of Scooter Libby and now Conrad Black fame, and what I presume are four members of his office, striding (briskly, one imagines) to a meeting. I think that the intent was to show the hard-charging, incorruptible Officer of the Court and his team on Official Business, and woe betide any pedestrians that get in the way.
What it reminded me of, though, were the late-night ads you see for law firms, where the lawyers (backlit and in soft-focus) snap their heads around in unison to stare into the camera, interspersed with slow-mo shots of them marching manfully (even the women!) through the corridors of power to do battle on your behalf.
Folks, this barely works for me when it’s the Pussycat Dolls, and even then it’s vaguely risible.
But on the off chance that you’re pitching this to the networks, I think it could use some fine-tuning.
So let me put on my Casting Director’s hat, which has my name on it and everything.
First, ditch the two frumps on the left. As anyone can tell you, female Department of Justice employees are invariably stunningly-attractive, impeccably-attired, and expert kick-boxers. Those two look like judges at a cat show.
Ditto with the guy immediately to the right of Fitzgerald, the one who looks like David Caruso on a three-day bender. We can hire the real thing if we have to. And what’s with the angry-looking man at the far right? Is he trying to use a TV remote?
I could understand that—if I saw this crew coming down the street at me, I’d be flipping channels, too.
