It is the first of 8 nights of Chanukkah this evening, so for a bit of festive fun, spin a dreidel.

And in case you wondered how you might play in space...

In a bold move, some would suspect only to protect rural seats, Tony Blair and his government are proposing to encourage minorities to start their own hunts. Government “seed” money will be used to encourage such moves. (Hat tip to Rob for finding the story.) As you can imagine, as the goverment is handing out money, several groupings have already jumped at the chance to go hunting.

The easiest to introduce is the Queer Hunt, where Soho’s finest chase the fox. Some in the hunting community are quite keen on these, as there is a hope that a bit more style will be introduced to the traditional hunting garb. There are some suggestions that the hounds might be replaced by Chihuahua & Pekingese. This will be especially the case in the Dame Barbara Cartland hunt…whose livery will be slightly brighter pink than normal.

Jewish Britons have been keen to take up the government’s offer as well. First off the mark is the Beth Shalom Hunt with their plans. As with the Queer Hunt, several of their members already participate in hunts, so they have been quick in jumping at the chance. There are a few changes to the normal hunt, however, including kosher advisors, and the most radical change…instead of the dogs killing the Fox, older Jewish ladies will nag it to death.

There is still some discussion about whether or not Muslims will take up the offer of help to set up a hunt. There is a great deal of disagreement on whether or not the Koran allows such an activity. There are some problems, of course, as Muslims are not to keen on dogs. It was suggested that young men would be used instead as a way to “train them”, for some unknown reason. This hunt has been asked not to light any hedgerows on fire while trailing the fox. There is also a wonder whether the hunters will be allowed to use AKs to put the Fox out of its mysery. Several leading Saudi horse owners have offered to donate horses to the cause, in an effort to encourage fellow Muslims to engage their local communities. It will probably be called the Al Alqsa Hunt Brigade.

As you would expect with this latest trend, the rap and hip-hop community is all over it. P Dippy has come over to establish his own brand name hunt. He said to be already designing hip-hop hunt attire. There are some problems with the horses, however, as there is so much bling on them that they have a hard time jumping over the hedges. Buses have to be put on for the new hunters to get to the country as their H2S and other SUVs have been so lowered they are no longer any good for country roads. It is expected that the Fox will be shot in the end, since everyone will be armed, anyway, and rappers’ dogs are too big to get the Fox out of his hiding place.

Of course, not willing to miss out on any new trend, Sharon Osborne has got Ozzy involved. The Ozman has joined his local hunt, but Sharon has not let him get on a horse yet. Ozzy has had some success at scaring & swearing the Fox to death when it is caught. The hunt no long uses a bugle to bring the hunt to order; instead Ozzy yells “Sharon” in full voice to rally them. The hunt has adapted to Ozzy and the new influence of rockers; their outfits are now all black, and many have taken to wearing black leather trousers. When interviewed, Ozzy responded: “F*k, it’s the country…you know…all kind of fking mud and shit…its like Ozfest that doesn’t fking move…” When asked why rockers had taken to hunting so easily, Ozzy responded, “well it’s a bit more fun than chasing a small fking little white ball around a f*king field.”

There are suggestions of other minority groups that will take up the offer including a possible blind hunt, the all-female hunt (Foxing Sisters), and the Nu-Metal/Grunge hunt (no shot-guns alllowed of course).

The government quango in charge of this program, The Office for the Empowerment of Minorities in Hunting Communities, is open to suggestions for other minority groups to encourage into the pastime.

Update: Word has reached us that Fundamentalist Christians have no been left out, lest ye worry. They can now be seen surrounding foxes and badgering it to death with evangelising and proseletising.

I have just sent off my final exam paper for my Degree in Witchcraft. I do hope it makes the grade.

When preparing to the take the exam I found great use in Leo’s Out of the Shadows: A Complete History of Witchcraft. It is refershing to read a book on wicca that is not tempered by political or sociological prejudices. If you are searching for a concise and easy-to-read book on Witchcraft then look no further. Of great use to me will be the excellent bibliography in the back of this work; I suspect I will be reading more on the subject soon.

This should make your Christmas shopping easier. You feed in the personal characteristics of the giftee (romantic, adventurous, brainy, imaginative, funny) and hit the Go button. It gives you six suggestions, all of which, by coincidence (it’s eerie!) can be purchased at Borders. Here’s what it picked out for me:

Books:

Confronting Reality – Larry Bossidy

One of those Total Quality Management thingees. No thanks.

Bringing Tuscany Home—Frances Mayes

As much as I’d love to redecorate the house in “Sensuous Style from the Heart of Italy,” it’d probably involve work.

Exporting America – Lou Dobbs

I hate Lou Dobbs.

DVD:

The Poseidon Adventure

Shelley Winters AND cheesy special effects! What’s not to love?

Music:

Diane Krall – The Girl In The Other Room

Ehh.

Ashlee Simpson – Autobiography

You’ve got to be kidding me.

So there you have it. The Giftmixer 3000. Why do I get the impression it’s just a random-number generator that points to various items in Borders’ remaindered catalog?

promises mean everything when you’re little
and the world is so big
i just don’t understand how
you can smile with all those tears in your eyes
when you tell me everything is wonderful now
—everclear

If yesterdays rock was the music of abandon, todays is that of abandonment. The odd truth about contemporary teenage music the characteristic that most separates it from what has gone before is its compulsive insistence on the damage wrought by broken homes, family dysfunction, checked-out parents, and (especially) absent fathers.

A very good and provocative essay, “Eminem Is Right,” by Mary Eberstadt in Policy Review. It’s long, but well worth reading.