Save us Arnie… please
Watching the Republican convention on BBC News 24 was like watching Turkeys review Xmass.
Exactly, how does a studio full of Kerry supporters deal with a bunch of confident, unabashed Republicans at the peak of power; why conspiracy of course.
BBC experts explained, the GOP is skilfully showing its moderate face. As you know, if it werent for anti-slavery laws, Conservatives would be opening a child-labour sweat shop on your street right now. When were not eating babies or killing ‘furners, theres nothing a Republican likes more than putting a hood on a woman and beating her for going out alone, oh wait.. no.. wrong culture, that off limits.
Back to the baby eaters.
So the BBCs declared the GOP ‘showing it’s moderate face’, i.e. near-human, while secretly planning to turn the Middle East into a Fundamentalist Christian Disneyland.
There’s that word ‘moderate’ again, I guess the Republican’s really are a bunch of crazed hicks still hung up on the monkey trial, how else could Giuliani be a ‘moderate’. At one point I thought Chaney was going to call his blacks into the fields to get the cotton harvest in. Maybe they edited that bit out.
A litany of moderate speakers, the BBC assured us, would hoodwink honest Americans into voting for the Spanish Inquisition. I looked but couldnt find. Guliani, who locked up criminals, lowered taxes (as fast as Labour creates criminals and raises taxes) spoke well, as did moderate Arnie, who gave one of the best Conservative speeches Ive heard in a long while.
Its day three and I’m still searching for those pesky moderates.
Speakers confirmed what Liberals fear; independence & responsibility over the power of the state. Yikes, thats enough to give a Guardianista nightmares for a week.
I guess a moderate Republican is like a caring Conservative, or repentant rapist, we still hate you, just less than the other ones.
Conservatives; appeasing the BBC, is as worthwhile as Turkeys buying their farmer a carriage clock on Dec 1st. They hate us, and there aint much more to it.
The Tories are on a losing streak. No matter how eagerly they dither and waiver, betray core values, prostitute their heritage, or pretend to be Liberal, the BBC will still hate them. Will they learn the lesson of George W?
No.
Which is why Blair looks to be King for a few years yet.
If anyone spots a ‘moderate’ before the balloons fall, do let us know. The BBC’s assured me that’s what this conference is all about. That and Chaney’s cotton harvest.
4 commentsGet Me Rewrite!
This is too funny. A writer for Salon is dismissive of the RNC bloggers, accusing them of too much fluff and celebrity-spotting. He perhaps unwisely adds this:
Indeed, Protein Wisdom contributor Jeff Goldstein weighed in with the definitive word on Harmon’s appearance.“Observations from the convention floor: Angie Harmon smells of honeysuckle and cloves—her flawless skin the color of sun-baked mahogany, her sultry voice the hum of Mezcal and cigarettes and late night conversations with friends on the deck of a rented beach house. Truly dazzling.
“Oh. And Jason Sehorn, John McCain, and Rudy Giuliani spoke tonight, too.”
Sure, Jeff is “blogging the RNC,” if you sort of expand the definition to “sitting in Colorado, making stuff up out of whole cloth.”
Hilariously, the writer attempts to defend himself in Jeff’s comments section, thus proving the merit of the old adage—“When you’re in a hole, stop digging.”
Salon article here (premium, requires watching an ad to read the whole thing). Jeff’s incredulous discovery of it here.
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