Jul 1
85212528
From War Now! from points unknown via email.
Rules for Women – compiled by men sick of playing by women’s rules: (snide remarks* by Andrew)
– Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.- Yeah, well men should try peeing sitting down; it is much less messy, and then we are not tempted to try and hit objects sitting above the toilet. The picture above the bog is NOT there to serve as a f***ing target. – Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day, and anniversaries are not a contest to see if we can find the perfect present yet again.
- “Its the thought that counts!” only works on TV and the movies. And yes, there is a difference. – Shopping is not a sport.
- Why not? Everything else is considered a sport these days. Shopping is at least as boring as watchng the Ferrari Gran Prix show. During big sales it’s a hell of a lot more exciting. All girl mud wrestling, nah; one-day women’s expensive shoe sale at Coach is more like it! – Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress?
- This is not rocket science. Is colour co-ordination that hard? – I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
- Why not ask if she can suggest a way to lose some weight…preferably one that does not require going outdoors. – You have enough clothes.
- You can never have enough clothes, just like there is no such thing as drinking too much beer! – You have too many shoes.
- Shoes are just another accessory like ties, only these actually provide a useful function. There are very few shoes that are as bad as some ties one sees. – If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that
- Yes but you are not suppose to smile, call attention to it, and/or tell everyone about it, or do in front of guests. – If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing”, we will act like nothing’s wrong.
- It does help to be looking at the women when you ask the quesion. Body language is the key. – If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Note for men who are at all clever: increase the number of ways of possible interpretation exponentially. Learning basic debate/rhetoric skills helps in this area, as well; obfuscation works well, too.
